No Fat Talk Tuesday: Laura's Story

{The day I felt the most beautiful I ever have in my entire life. Although I must confess, I had one flair up where secretly I was grateful wedding dresses are traditionally long. Doh!}

I have been looking forward to sharing Laura's story with you ever since she offered be a part of No Fat Talk Tuesday. Laura was a dear friend of mine in college, and when I first met her I was blown away by her joyful spirit and love for life. Seriously, this girl just screams 'confidence.' Which is what makes her story even more interesting. I know Laura was nervous to share this story, but I'm so grateful she did, because I can imagine there are plenty of women who can relate. Thanks, Laura! (oh, and don't forget to check out Laura's blog, Oakland Avenue) - Madison 

It wasn’t until high school that I really started picking apart my body. My hips were too big, my legs not slender enough, and I considered my ankles two sprains away from the dreaded "cankels." My arms were acceptable and my stomach was decent, but my legs — oh my legs. You see, I have what I call "marshmallow legs," legs that are not what I would define as lean or “runway ready,” legs that I wouldn't have picked if I had a choice, legs that I was so embarrassed of, I rarely wore shorts in order to hide them as much as possible.

Of course, I had to wear shorts at times; I played basketball and ran cross-country (in a secret effort to streamline my legs), but I was self-conscious the entire time. On the outside I was happy, self-assured and confident, but on the inside I was self-conscious, negative and insecure. No one would guess that my thoughts and actions revolved around my embarrassment of my legs. I dreaded pool parties and trips to the lake and often wore shorts over my swimming suit under the guise of "modesty." On the rare occasion I did show my legs, I often assumed people around me were thinking about how ugly my legs were. It was all I could think about — how could they not be as well?

I tried lifting weights. I tried running. I tried not eating. I tried it all, but none of it gave me the results I was looking for to keep up with the habit — but I still remained obsessed with trying to “fix” my legs.

I berated my legs daily, picking apart every bulge, dent and shape. In the back of my mind, I always thought of how I would trade anything, anything for pretty legs. How my legs were the reason I wasn't getting asked on a date or the reason I couldn’t go out to the lake with friends. They were the sole reason I didn’t like the way I looked, and at times, the reason I didn’t like myself.

Then, one night in college, something snapped. I'm not going to tell you I suddenly loved my legs. No, I simply began to hate the feeling of hating my legs. I realized that I hated feeling restricted, self-conscious, discontent and ugly because of my hatred of my legs. I began to hate the fact that I've hated my legs for all these years.

That night, I realized that I was defining my entire life — what I did, thought, wore and said — by my perception of my legs and my negative self-talk had taken away an enormous amount of enjoyment from my life. From that day on I made a truce with the war on my legs. I promised to get rid of the “leg-lies” (or “fat-talk” as Madison would say) from my life. I didn’t want to think about them any more — it just took up too much brain power. Daily, I strove to think positive thoughts about myself and my legs, and I vowed that I would wear shorts nearly every day in the summer, and I would never again decline a trip to the lake out of my leg-insecurities.

  {I made peace with my legs before I met him, but more than anyone, my husband has helped me find
acceptance of my body.}

 

At first, it took an enormous amount of courage and “self-pep-talk” to bare my legs in public on a regular basis, but over time my mind began to empty of thoughts of “what people around me thought of my legs” and instead I began to enjoy my new found freedom in having confidence in who I was and what I looked like. No more desperately hoping a photo was taken from waist up, no more wondering if that new person I met would judge my legs — life was so much easier when I didn’t worry about those things. They no longer mattered to me and I finally began to accept myself. It was not easy, but over time it has become easier.

Those who know me may think I’m being too hard on myself, and my legs “are not that bad” —but isn’t that the curse of fat talk? That it stops us from seeing the truth? That it illusions us with insecurities, blasts us with lies, and berates us with worthlessness? I nearly backed out of writing this ten different times, wondering why in the world would I admit all the gory details of my insecurities on a very public and popular blog, when I never whispered a word of it growing up?

Then I remember: It’s because I’m willing to bet most of you have your own “marshmallow legs.” Some part of yourself that you have allowed to define yourself, and I want to encourage you today to let. it. go. It’s not worth it. Stop confining yourself to a mediocre form of happiness because you just can’t seem to “get over” that problem area – be it your stomach, arms, hair, weight or whatever. I know how women’s minds work – that annoying fat talk voice is always there, always pestering you, berating you and telling you lies. I heard it every day for years, until I finally got up the guts to stop it.

I said it earlier and I’ll say it again, it hasn’t been easy, but it has become easier. And you can do it. I promise. You may not have a light bulb moment like I did in college, but I hope at some point the switch is flipped for you. Maybe it will be in one crazy instant, or maybe it will be slowly turned on over time, but either way, know that there’s someone out there rooting for you – someone who’s been there in the trenches and has found acceptance of her body. If I can do it, you can do it too. 

I am looking for No Fat Talk Tuesday guest posters for the spring and summer months. If you are interested, email me (madisonjanemayberry@gmail.com) for more information.  

Broccoli-Avocado Sandwich

Sometimes I hesitate to give you a recipe for a sandwich. I mean, who really needs a recipe for two slices of bread filled with whatever you have on hand in your pantry, right? Then again, everyone loves


 Joey and I were eating lunch yesterday after cleaning the house for two hours(!!) (that man is a master at cleaning bathrooms) and the sandwich I was eating had Joe scratching his head. Broccoli? On a sandwich? I say why not!

The problem I have with vegetarian sandwiches in the winter months is the lack of in-season produce that typically finds itself on veg-friendly sandwiches. Tomatoes at this time of year? Not a chance. Cucumbers? Hah. Sprouts? Seems like everyone is dying from eating them at Jimmy Johns. Winter means a girl has got to get creative.

This killer sandwich is filled with mashed avocado, blanched broccoli (broccoli that is cooked in boiling water for just a minute or two), Laughing Cow cheese and yellow or Dijon mustard. Although it may sound a bit strange, the combination really can't be beat. And nutritionally, it's pretty stellar, too. Healthy avocado-fat, fiber-rich broccoli, whole grains, you get the picture.

I didn't toast the bread this time, but if I were to pack this sandwich for a lunch at work, I think toasting would help prevent the bread from getting too soggy. And if you're not a vegetarian, this sandwich would be killer with a little of thinly-sliced turkey or roast beef.

Joe and I are off to the gym to try out my new running shoes, go to church, take Nut on a walk and lounge around in our newly-cleaned house. Have a happy Sunday, everyone!

Broccoli-Avocado Sandwich
Ingredients
*2 slices 100% whole wheat bread
*1/2 small to medium avocado, sliced
*Kosher salt 
*1/2 cup blanched broccoli florets, chopped
*1 teaspoon yellow or dijon mustard
*1 Laughing Cow Mozzarella and Tomato Basil cheese wedge

Instructions
*Spread the avocado slices onto one slice of the whole wheat bread. Sprinkle with a pinch of kosher salt. Top with the chopped broccoli florets.
*On the second slice of bread, spread the mustard and the Laughing Cow cheese wedge. Combine the two slices of bread. Slice in half.

Happy Cooking!
Madison

Walking Down Memory Lane

This morning I caught myself walking down memory lane by sifting through old pictures on Facebook. Man, there's really no better way to feel like time is flying by than to look at old pictures, is there? I feel like just yesterday I was beginning sorority recruitment at Iowa State. Time sure does fly! Here are a few (very old) pictures for a little Friday fun. 

{Senior year school play. I don't remember much about the plot, other than I don't think it was very good.}

{Sorority recruitment in 2007. Nothing says intimidation like talking to a bunch of sorority girls for five days straight while they decide if they like you, right?}

{Traveling to Paris in 2009.}

{Hanging out on the set of The Rachael Ray Show with Rachael and Jamie Oliver.}

{Sorority snacking at its finest.}

{Dressed up for an 80's themed house party.}

{Traveling to Spain with my mom and cousin, Angela.}

Now I've got travel fever! I guess I'll just have to settle for our weekend plans for dinner out with new friends and shopping for new running shoes. 

Anyone else have fun weekend plans?

 

Healthier Whole Wheat Pizookie

 

Are you in the 'I need something sweet after dinner' club with me? Even if it's nothing big, just a piece of chocolate or a mug of diet hot chocolate, I have to have a little something for dinner to feel complete. Other times, I crave something more substantial, like a cookie or ice cream. Or, in this case, a pizookie.

I was first introduced to the concept of a pizookie by Fitnessista, who has an undying love for these chocolate chip cookies baked up pizza/cake style. And now I totally understand why. Thick and gooey chocolate chip cookies? What's not to love.

But since my craving for pizookies struck during the middle of the week (not typically the day I choose to indulge in a decadent dessert), I decided to get a little creative and make the pizookies you saw in last week's post a little healthier and less guilt-inducing. So what did I do? Here's the rundown:
-Used 100% whole wheat flour
-Used Egg Beaters in place of regular eggs
-Cut back the sugar by half and used a mashed banana instead
-Reduced the butter from 8 tablespoons to 4 tablespoons

The results were fantastic! Although Joey was pretty skeptical when I told him I had made a healthy dessert, he was a believer at first bite. Keep in mind, these do taste healthy and don't taste like a typical cookie (they are more muffin-like), but this dessert really hit the spot on a Thursday night. I baked these in 4-inch ramekins from Target, but keep in mind that a serving is for 1/2 a pizookie. Not to worry, the serving is still pretty substantial and it's a great reason to sit down with your loved on and share a dessert together. 

Healthier Whole Wheat Pizookie
Ingredients
*1 1/2 cups whole wheat four
*1/2 teaspoon baking soda
*1/4 tsp. salt
*1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
*1/2 cup granulated sugar
*4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
*1 medium banana, mashed
*1/4 cup liquid egg whites (Egg Beaters) or 1 large egg, lightly beaten
*1/4 cup dark chocolate chips or chopped dark chocolate pieces

Instructions
*Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly grease four (4 inch) oven-going ramekins (I am guessing the jumbo muffin cups would work just as well). Set aside.
*In a small bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. In a second bowl, combine the sugar, butter, banana and liquid egg whites. Beat until well combined.
*Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients. Stir until just combined. Stir in the chocolate pieces.
*Divide batter among the four greased ramekins and bake for 18 to 21 minutes, until the edges are set and the center is just lightly soft. Remove from oven. Cool slightly. Drizzle with chocolate syrup, if desired, and enjoy warm.

Nutrition Facts per serving: 220 cal., 8 g fat (4.8 g saturated fat), 16 mg chol., 36 g carbohydrate, 17 g sugar, 3.5 g dietary fiber, 4 g protein

The Name Game: Update!

Many of you will remember that a couple months ago I posted about my hesitancy to change my name after getting married. This post really stirred up quite a bit of feedback, and I thought it was time to share a little update on what I decided to do with my name.

After that post went up, plenty of friends and family members were eager to share their advice on what they thought I should do. Some thought it was a Biblical responsibility to change my name to Hofmeyer, while others, including my 91-year-old grandmother, thought I shouldn't feel any pressure to change my name; she's a bit of a feminist and ahead of her time. ;)

But the advice that really hit home with me was an e-mail I received from a woman who is very dear to my heart and has always been someone I've respected and admired. She told me when she got married, she, too, struggled changing her last name and what that would mean for her identity. And while she now goes by her married name, it didn't come quickly. Thankfully, her husband was incredibly patient and allowed her to change her last name slowly, as it felt right for her to do so.

Knowing that I could give myself the freedom to adjust to my new name slowly, bit by bit, made it much easier for me. Ultimately, I want to share a last name with my husband and my kids some day, but jumping into being Madison Hofmeyer head first seemed a bit too much.

So, slowly but surely, I'm transitioning to Madison Hofmeyer. Legally, I've settled on Madison Jane MayberryHofmeyer (no spaces), so I can still be connected to my family name. Many people in my personal life address letters and packages to 'Joe and Madison Hofmeyer'. And everyone at work still calls me Madison Mayberry. While it may seem a little confusing, it seems to feel right to me at this point. I imagine that some day, I'll completely transition to Madison Hofmeyer, but for now I feel comfortable where I'm at, as does Joe. And I suppose that's all that really matters, right?

No Fat Talk Tuesday: Katie's Story

Todays' guest post comes to us from Katie Smith, a senior at the University of Maryland. I'm excited to have Katie share because she brings a unique perspective to No Fat Talk Tuesday, since she is still in college and dealing with her own set of stressors and pressures. Growing up with divorced parents, I can relate to the struggles that Katie dealt with growing up, and am happy to have her post today. - Madison


Hey everyone! My name is Katie and I'm 22 years old, finishing my senior year at the University of Maryland. When Madison reached out for stories relating to 'No Fat Talk," I felt compelled to share my experience. Even after my tumultuous teenage years ended, I struggled with my weight and self-acceptance throughout college. On the brink of graduation, I finally feel like I have reached a turning point. But it took some time getting here. 


Everyone experiences pain in their life. As teenagers, minute heartbreaks can seem like the end of the world.  However, through my adolescence, I experienced both the divorce of my parents and a string of bad relationships. I feel like I transferred the pain of each experience into the next and, also, onto myself.  Midway through college, this manifested itself into a lot of partying and heavy drinking, in part to avoid truly dealing with the emotions. For the most part, these behaviors didn't negatively influence other areas of my life, like my schoolwork or my friendships. I continued to make great grades, hold down internships and part-time jobs, and make and maintain amazing connections with the people around me.  To be honest, for a time my destructive behavior didn't sink in because so many others around me were doing what I did. I go to a state school where people drink all nights of the week, so saying no to a drink stands out more than saying yes.  

However, I was treating my body like trash and it was affecting me physically and mentally. My weight would fluctuate depending on how much I was exercising and how vigilantly I was watching what I ate.  But on the days or weeks that I felt heavy or ugly or undesirable because of my weight, I couldn't brush it off.  It would bring back old feelings of rejection and sadness and I would be absolutely miserable.  Sometimes, I would withdraw. I would avoid people because to me, seeing people meant drinking which meant gaining more weight. When I returned from studying abroad in Australia, I was at my heaviest, and unhealthiest. I remember sobbing, flat on the floor, crying to my mother that I was too embarrassed to be seen. A moment so raw, so low and so real that it sparked a resolve in me to change.  I was too young to waste any more time hiding myself from the world and I was too old to be behaving like there was anyone to blame but myself. In order to become happy with myself, my behaviors needed to change and my body would follow.

I made slow changes. I practiced a lot more moderation. The nights I did go out drinking with friends, I found I enjoyed a lot more when I could remember the details of the conversations we had. People are funny and fascinating and have a lot to share. Where they come from, where they're going, what they want to achieve and who they want to become. The memories you make together are a lot better if your head doesn't pound the next day.

I also started to cook more for myself. I found that I love cooking (and blogs like Espresso & Cream are amazing inspirations--cooking can be easy, healthy and fun... and MUCH better for you than that $7 takeout meal every night of the week). I now also exercise regularly--which I had always done but not accompanied with the right lifestyle choices, which made it futile and much, much harder. I exercise because it makes me feel strong and powerful and the endorphins are irreplaceable. A positive hour at the gym with some great music is a form of therapy unto itself.  

Being a journalism major, I hold a certain reverence for the quintessential bad boy of our trade, Hunter S. Thompson. Amidst his hard-drinking, drug-induced writings (this is the Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas guy, after all), he once said, "I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.” A brief, to-the-point reminder that only you can make you happy. 

Making healthy choices breeds a self-respect that can't be replicated by anything else. When you have made the choices that allow you to feel healthy, happy and free, you show that to the world. Since I've changed my lifestyle, I've felt more confident in myself and my future.  It sounds like a cheesy PSA, but I can assure you, I couldn't have said this six months ago. Negative talk and negative choices won't get you anywhere; an active choice to change will. Life is meant to be experienced, enjoyed and exhilarating and we all owe it to ourselves to love ourselves, inside and out, every step of the way.  

Key Lime Pie

Hey, everyone! Hope you had a wonderful weekend and thank you so much for awesome feedback on last Friday's post. It was so refreshing to hear that I'm not the only one who struggles with feeling the pressure to do things perfectly. Sometimes we just need one another to remember how normal (or crazy!) we all truly are.

Moving on to lighter, but still important, matters, like pie. When we were in Salt Lake City a couple weeks back, we enjoyed an amazing meal. One of those lengthy eating experiences where you order appetizers, salads, entrees and desserts. Call me crazy, but I don't usually get all that excited about desserts at restaurants. Unless the restaurant is known for something specific, I find restaurant desserts to be overrated and overpriced.

But our dessert that night was different. Our server brought out the most amazing slice of key lime pie I've ever tasted. In fact, I forgot that I ever even liked key lime pie until a week and a half ago. Now, I feel quite differently. Something about the smooth simplicity, cutting tang of the limes and the almost-frozen chilled temperature was to die for.

When I searched the internet for the perfect recipe to recreate my experience at home, I knew it needed to be simple and classic. Naturally, I went to Gourmet, still my first true magazine love, for the recipe. Simply put, Gourmet never steers me wrong.

Why have I never made key lime pie before? (If you haven't made it before, either, you should be asking yourself the same question) It's ultra-simple, quick to pull together, and killer-good. Oh, and in other news, we've got over half a pie left. Someone help me before I eat it all myself!

Key Lime Pie
Recipe from Gourmet magazine, 2003
Ingredients
Crust
*5 tablespoons butter, melted
*1 1/4 cups graham cracker crumbs
*2 tablespoons sugar

Filling
*1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
*1/2 cup key lime juice (or, if you can't find key lime juice sub freshly squeezed non-key lime juice)
*4 egg yolks

Instructions
*Preheat oven to 350°F.
*In a small bowl, combine the butter, graham cracker crumbs and sugar. Stir until well combined. Press mixture into the bottom and up the sides of one 9" pie plate. Bake for 10 minutes.
*Meanwhile, in a second bowl, combine the sweetened condensed milk, lime juice and egg yolks. Stir until well combined. Pour mixture into baked pie crust and bake for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and cool on wire rack.
*Once pie is cooled, place in the fridge and refrigerate for at least 8 hours. Cut into slices to serve. Makes 8 servings

Happy Baking!
Madison